20 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
1. Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive.
2. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
3. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
4. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
5. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
6. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it.
7. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
8a. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8b. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
11. People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
12. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
13. Two words: John Williams.
14. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
15. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the world”?
16. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
17. “I’d rather be his whore than your wife” just doesn’t have the same sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”
18. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
19. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated “Luke….I am your father.” ???
20. Han Solo would’ve missed that damn iceberg!
21. Storm troopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
22. Dead people have that cool glow around them in Star Wars. In Titanic, dead people just have little hungry fish around them.
23. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make an a** of himself at the Oscars.
24. 1979 special effects in Star Wars still more believable than those stupid computer shots of the Titanic.
25. Titanic morals = gamble, cheat on your husband, pose nude for pictures, premarital sex is OK if you’re in love, etc. Star Wars moral = fight evil, do good, respect all life even if it’s Ugly and slithers, rescue princess, save planet.
26. R2-D2 – enough said.
27. When was the last time you heard our global defense system called “Titanic” – puts some faith back in the government don’t it?
28. Han and Chewie could have repaired the ship!
29. When the titanic broke apart, did we even get any type of explosion, much less an explosion with a ring around it.
30. And who invented THX?