1. I’m not aging, I just need re-potting.
2. I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn’t clutter; these are my antiques!
7. Discover wildlife! Have kids!
8. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
9. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
10. Take my advice. I’m not using it!
11. Mom, I’ll always love you, but I’ll never forgive you for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
12. By the time you find greener pastures, you can’t climb the fence!
13. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
14. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.