"Bad Times" Virus Warning

This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately
WITHOUT reading it. This is a very dangerous Email virus — the most
dangerous Email virus yet.

IMPORTANT: It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your
refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles. It
will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access
code, screw up the tracking on your VCR, and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new
phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your
beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there’s company coming
over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with
your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you
nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and
your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your
back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will seduce your
grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it
reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. Badtimes
will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the
hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove
the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk
with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs.

Be very, very afraid.