If you receive an e-mail message with “End-All Virus” in the Subject line, don’t
open it. If you do: End-All will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes
melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the
tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs
you try to play. It will give your ex your new phone number. It will mix Kool-
aid into your fishtank. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when
company comes over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work. It
moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a
rather interesting shade of mauve. End-All will give you Dutch Elm disease. It
will leave the toilet seat up. And it will leave bacon cooking on the stove while
it goes out to chase grade-schoolers with your new snowblower.