Female Drivers

Written by a Smart Man

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut
right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the
shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung
out his window and flipped the woman off.

“Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself I ALWAYS smile nicely
and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in
traffic and here’s why.

I drive 38 miles each way every day to work. That’s 76 miles. Of
these,16 each way is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumper
is on an 8-lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in,
that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.

That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982
cars every mile, or 31424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is
not bumper to bumper I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every
day. Statistically half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In
any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their
period. That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as
dissatisfying or unrewarding, which would be 449.

According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females
have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that’s 98. And 34%
describe men as their biggest problem, that’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry
weapons and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE
DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life,
thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or
homicide, is having the worst day of her period and is armed. No matter
what she does in traffic, I wouldn’t DREAM of flipping her off.