I Was Thinking…

I was thinking……..
*that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was thinking……
*about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about…….
*making a movie for folks my age and call it “Pumping Rust.”

I have found at my age…..
*going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

I was thinking about……..
*how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older – then it dawned on me – they were cramming for their finals!

You know……
*when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say,”Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I wanted to say, “No, it’s for company!”

I’ ve thought about…..
*those employment applications and that blank that always ask who is to be notifiedin case of an emergency.I think you should write . . .Good Doctor!

I’ve always wondered………..
*why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do.. . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

I thought about being rich……
*and it don’t mean so much. Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward …
*would you gain weight?

I wonder……..
*what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder…….
if Adam ever said to Eve,”Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!”

I have decided…….
*that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

I have noticed……..
*when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you put him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

Also:
*You have to fight to give a dog a bath,yet they’ll sit out in the rain for hours on end.

I’m not into working out!
*My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Have you ever noticed….
*Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think the reason…….
*most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

I’m desperately trying to figure out………..
*why kamikazi pilots wore helmets.