Parody of a Chain Letter

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of
being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
sending out 50 billion fucking chain letter forwards sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year
old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke
from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and
took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography
web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send “his” email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll
get laid by every Victoria’s Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch
of bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out
there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail
forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain
which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country
by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year
2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest
continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you’re going to
forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I’ve seen
all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from
some “omniscient being” forwards about 90 times. I don’t fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own
unpopularity.

P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!