~~~ Creative Pizza orders ~~~
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the
person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable. “10-4 Good Buddy!”
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and
you’re going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give your address and exclaim, “Oh, just surprise me!” and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
10. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
11. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say “crazy bread.”
12. Stutter on the letter “p.”
13. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino’s,
ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) INSIST they have it.
14. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
15. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, “Okay,
that’ll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window.”
16. Ask if you could just rent a pizza.
17. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a
sigh of relief.
18. Put the accent on the last syllable of “pepperoni.” Use the long
19. Ask to have your pizza “shaken, not stirred.”
20. When they say, “What would you like?” say, “Huh? You mean now?”
21. Say it’s your friend’s birthday and you’d appreciate if the deliverer hid
behind some furniture waiting for your friend to arrive so you can surprise
22. Ask if the delivery person could first bring you a menu.
23. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
24. Order two toppings, then say, “No, that won’t work. They’ll start
25. Tell the order taker, to tell the manager, to tell his supervisor he’s
26. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
27. Try to talk while drinking something.
28. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
29. After ordering, say, “I wonder what THIS button on the phone does.”
Simulate a cutoff.
30. Ask if they’re familiar with the term “spanking a pizza.” Make up
a description to go with the term. Ask to have your pizza “spanked”.
31. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
32. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
33. Put them on hold.
34. Tell the order taker that you will have to give him your order in
35. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. At the end of your order,
say, “No mushrooms, please.”
36. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated
again, change it again. On the third time, say, “You just don’t get it,
37. When you’re given the price, say, “Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I
38. Haggle for a better price on your pizza.
39. Order a four-inch pizza.
40. Ask if any dolphins had to be killed to make your pizza.
41. Tell them that you don’t have any money, but could swap them a piece
of your furniture for a pizza.
42. Order a steamed pizza.
43. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in
your best pouty voice, “The last guy let me do it.”