Well now, it’s about that time of the semester… the time when
suddenly every student has the urge to disregard their boring
lecture and frolic in the warm sunlight and fresh spring air.
The hormones can’t be helped, right?
We both know that’s bullshit. Anytime is a good time to skip
class, you just need a good reason, right? Sure. You (or your
parents, as the case may be) are spending boatloads of cash to
go to this prestigious university, and it kinda hangs on your
conscience that you don’t feel like going. Behold, Skarecrow
to your rescue.
Here is your wonderful list of ways to skip class, and methods
to rationalize them to yourself.
1. Sleep in.
Rationalization: You are, in fact, recharging your mental
batteries for the more demanding classes you will face later in
the day/week/semester/life. Besides, your professor EXPECTS
people to skip that 9am lecture. The professor probably didn’t
even show up himself. Why trouble yourself to get out of bed,
trudge across campus and find out. You can always claim later
to be doing sleep studies on yourself for your Psych 101 class.
2. Surf the net.
Rationalization: It’s educational. The net is the greatest source
of information in the world. You’re also improving your
computer skills, vital to working in the real world. Hell, I have
friends who get paid to surf the net all day…of course their
bosses don’t know that. Is it really your fault if you happen to
get sidetracked by less informative pages on the web? The
Web is built to do that. Grrr, damn web. (raise your arm and
shake your fist at the computer now, and grrrr along with me.)
3. Clean your room.
Rationalization: Cleanliness is next to godliness. Godliness is
definitely more important than Linear Algebra or Augustan
Literature. Besides, you can listen to music when you clean.
Real loud. Loud music has been proven in frat-house studies
to be conducive to the learning process. And hey, you do need
to dig that linear algebra textbook out from under the pile of
dirty clothes, anyway.
4. Wander about the more beautiful parts of campus.
Rationalization: You’re not paying this much to go to school
just to sit in boring classes are you? Of course not! You’ve got
to get out and see the beautiful portions of campus that your
tuition dollars are paying so much to maintain. Hey, by the
way, there are beautiful members of the opposite sex out there
too! You might want to go take a gander at them while you’re
5. Take a trip into town.
Rationalization: You’re at a college far away from home (or
even near to home, bear with me here and ignore the piddley
little details)… this may be your only chance to visit a local
community you may never see again. Have fun. Meet the
locals. Mingle. Claim it’s study for that sociology class you’re
gonna take next semester.