Tell People You Care

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister’s
bureau and lifted out a tissue wrapped package. “This,” he
said, “is not a slip. This is lingerie.” He discarded the tissue
and handed me the slip. It was exquisite: silk, handmade and
trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an
astronomical figure on it was still attached. “Jan bought this
the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago.
She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, I guess this is the occasion.”

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other
clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on
the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer
shut and turned to me. “Don’t ever save anything for a special
occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.”

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days
that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the
sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about
them on the plane returning to California from the Mid-
western town where my sister’s family lives. I thought about
all the things that she hadn’t seen or heard or done. I thought
about the things that she had done without realizing that they
were special.

I’m still thinking about his words, and they’ve changed my life.
I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting on the deck and
admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the
garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends
and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life
should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I’m
trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

I’m not “saving” anything; we use our good china and crystal
for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink
unclogged, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer
to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous,
I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without
wincing. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties;
clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that
function as well as my party going friends’.

“Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to
see and hear and do it now. I’m not sure what my sister would
have done had she known that she wouldn’t be here for the
tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think she would have
called family members and a few close friends. She might
have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences
for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for
a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I’m guessing, I’ll never
know.

It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if
I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off
seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with
someday. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I
intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I
didn’t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I
truly love them. I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back,
or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our
lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself
that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly
is…a gift from God.

If you’ve received this it is because someone cares for you and
it means there is probably at least someone for whom you
care. Please let them know how you feel.