The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader
14> Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the
other side of the planet.
13> Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin
12> The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces
of his mortal enemies.
11> Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in
his room and putting his hand in warm water.
10> Ability to sweet-talk girls into “rubbing his helmet.”
9> For a white kid, he did a pretty damn good James Earl Jones
8> Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with “take no
prisoners” attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.
7> The old Jedi “your lunch money is mine” trick.
6> Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after
only one bean burrito.
5> Won the high school talent show every year by making the
vice principal writhe in pain.
4> Ability to activate “Trouser Saber” at will.
3> The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe
that through the constant application of love and
understanding *they* can change him.
2> “You don’t need to see my I.D. You know I’m old enough to
and Topfive.com’s Number 1
Special Power of the Young Darth Vader…
1> Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending
doom = Goth babe magnet!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.topfive.com ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting “The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com” ]