Yank the Chain Letter

The Official
YanktheChainLetter

If you send this letter to 10 people you know within 96 hours of
receiving it than you will suffer a bizarre and highly improbable
accident that will destroy your nervous system and lock you into a
coma-like mental state in which you will have entire control over your
imaginary reality. You will be in a universe inside your head where your
every wish can come true! This is not a joke. This is real.

What you are reading is the world’s oldest email chain letter, started
in 1905 by YanktheChain’s founder, the honorable Dr. Igbatz K. Phocjop.
It has traveled around the globe twenty three million times and has been
responsible for freeing hundreds of thousands from their mundane,
pain-filled lives through bizarre and highly improbable accidents. These
people are now Nobel prize winners, archeological adventurers, iron
fisted rulers of intergalactic cabals, near-omnipotent super-heroes,
members of perpetual Grecian orgies comprised entirely of 12 year old
girls, curers of incurable diseases, Zorro, and rich people who get laid
ALOT!

Please note:
Fred Wormigan of Westport, Connecticut erased this letter immediately
after recieving it. He did not suffer a bizarre and highly improbable
accident that would have made him absolute god over a delusional
universe, continued working at his menial job, settled into his loveless
marriage and got more near-sighted. He’s dead now.

Carla Ingerbep of Seattle, Washington sent out only two copies of this
letter because she was a friendless loser, and the bizarre and highly
improbable accident that she would have experienced instead became a
kind of bizarre and somewhat improbable accident as a hot steel bolt
from a construction sight she was walking by fell off the building,
ricocheted off of a sign and poked her eye out. She’s dead now too.

Adrien Oldernin of Tampa, Florida didn’t get this letter, was never
given the opportunity to suffer a bizarre and highly improbable accident
and as a result had control of his faculties long enough to contract
herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS, and Lou Gherig’s Disease from cheap
whores. He also is dead.

Fredrick Yackinoff of San Diego, California thought this letter was
stupid, wondered what kind of a name was Igbatz, anyway, and threw this
letter away. We had him brutally murdered.

On the other hand, Denise Witherspoon of Boston, Massachusetts mailed
off ten emails within 96 hours. The next day a she was in Kendall Square
when a laser beam from a nearby MIT experiment was swiveled around by a
sudden and unexpected gust of wind to hit her directly in the head,
mysteriously severing only her nerve receptors. Now she is living
happily as an Amazonian Queen with ten consorts, three hundred servants
and a worshipful nation of millions.

Don’t delay! Send off this letter to ten people immediately after
receiving it! This works! This is not a joke! Not a fraud! Not a
pathetic attempt at a humorous webzine article! This is the real thing!
Send it NOW!