You Know You’re in Memphis When…

This is really how it is in the beautiful town of Memphis.

1. Memphis is comprised entirely of one-way streets. The only way to
get out of downtown Memphis is to turn around and start over when you
reach Arkansas or Mississippi.

2. All directions start with, “Go down I-240…”

3. I-240 has no beginning and no end.

4. Memphis is home of Coca Cola. That’s all we drink here, so
don’t ask for any other soft drink.

5. Memphians only know their way home and their way to work.

6. Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main
Concourse.

7. It’s impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street
you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a “scenic drive”.

8. The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30a.m. to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 p.m
rush hour is from 3:30p.m. to 6:30 p.m. Friday’s rush hour
starts Thursday morning.

9. Reversible Lanes are not understood by anybody.

10. “Sir” and “Ma’am” are used by the person speaking to you if
there’s a remote possibility that you’re at least 30 minutes older
than they are.

11. “Sugar” is a more common form of address than “Miss”. So is
“Honey”.

12. Presley can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt
the pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the
right and stare at you.

13. The falling of one raindrop causes all traffic to immediately
come to a screeching halt. So will daylight savings time, a girl
applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.
Should (God, forbid) one snowflake fall in Memphis, all drivers on
the roads apparently lose any ability to control a car.
* Or, if in a pickup truck or SUV, drive as though the roads are
dry.

14. If you’re standing on a corner and a Metro Bus stops, you’re
expected to get on and go somewhere – although no one actually knows
where the buses go.

15. Memphis is pronounced “MEM—PHUS.

16. Construction on I-240 is perpetual, a way of life, and a permanent
form of entertainment for the road construction companies.

17. Construction crews aren’t doing their job properly unless they
close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

18. Memphis’s traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters
spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Memphis’s
traffic is rated # 1 in the country. You will often see people parked
beside the road and engaged in lively discussions.

19. I-240 is the southern equivalent of the AutoBahn. You will rarely
see a semi-truck on I-240, because the truck drivers are intimidated by
the oversized Suburban- wielding housewives racing home after a grueling
day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school
bus.

20. The 95 pound woman driving the Ford Excursion (the largest
vehicle ever produced in the world) absolutely MUST come to a complete
stop, then proceed at 2.5 mph over any railroad track.
Let’s face it, this vehicle was built to invade small countries
with, and she’s worried about the darn railroad tracks!!!

21. Hard and fast rule of the road in Memphis: Never use your turn
indicator when changing lanes on any freeway. Use it randomly on
surface streets.

22. Pedestrians in Memphis have the right-of-way….but it is a driver’s
duty to take the pedestrian when crossing the street.

23. The parking lots at the all the malls rotate once every hour, thus
ensuring that visitors will be unable to find their cars.

24. Most native Memphians do not know how to get around
downtown.TRUE TRUE TRUE