You Might be a Redneck Transvestite If…

You just might be a Redneck Transvestite, if…

1. You go to family reunions to meet guys.

2. You chew tobacco. (Chewing is OK, but don’t spit, nice
girls swallow)

3. You wear a dress that’s strapless and a bra that ain’t.

4. You wear combat boots with a minidress.

5. You wear jeans with a belt buckle that’s bigger than your
fist.

6. You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with a gun rack, a
Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on
the tailgate, next to the bumper sticker that says “I sell Avon
Skin-So-Soft”

7. You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.

8. You braid the hair that sticks through your fishnet
stockings.

9. Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with pearls.

10. You use glitter to highlight your moustache.

11. You wear tube tops with your mini, because it shows off
your Harley-Davidson tattoo.

12. Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.

13. You keep spare ammo in your bra.

14. You get a run in your stockings while changing a tire on
your motorhome.

15. Your purse is a toolbox.

16. You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of needle nosed
pliers.

17. You store your lipsticks in a socket-wrench box.

18. You use duct tape to keep your “tuck” in place.

19. You call your vanity “your work bench.”

20. You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip and eye liners.

21. “Doing your nails” means sorting the ten-pennies from the
sixteen-pennies.

22. Your favorite leather skirt was made from the moose you
shot last Fall.

23. Your new sandals are made from truck tire re-treads your
found on the road.

24. You keep a spare lipstick in your toolbox.

25. You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on earrings.

26. Your best silver necklace is made from beer can pull-tabs.

27. Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.

28. You use paint thinner to remove your makeup.

29. Your moisturizer says “non-detergent SAE 10W30″ on the
container.

30. If you remove your leg hair with duct tape.